I was thinking about how things went for me on the ladies’ trip I just took to Walnut Grove regarding my hearing.  In some ways, I’m getting used to my new deficits and between that and the improvement I’ve had (which makes many things easier), I’m starting to feel more “normal” with it all.  It’s not something I’m always thinking about anymore.  At the beginning, every situation was a new obstacle to overcome.  Now, I’ve learned how to handle most things that come up and I don’t have to think about things  so hard all of the time.  It makes me forget that there are still some real differences and they crop up at unexpected times and places.  Group dynamics are more difficult than one-on-one situations.  We had a group in my car for the drive and I missed most of what was said from the back seats (I was the driver) but when I needed to know, the person in the passenger seat next to me filled me in, and even though she had to repeat some things more than once, I was in on some of the conversation.  I found that when we were sitting together in restaurants in an even bigger group, I really couldn’t follow much of the conversation.  I kind of just had to sit back and let it happen around me.  I was basically okay with that.  I conversed with the ones closest to me and that worked out for the most part.  I’m still having to work at it because the background noise is amplified and very loud to me in a restaurant setting,  so I’m trying to hear a person talk over a lot of loud noise.  I have accepted the fact that in those situations, that is my new norm.  Yes, I’m missing out on some stuff, but I’m still there and it’s still fun to be with everyone.  There are some practical aspects of that that come up, though, that I’m not used to thinking about.  We were in a pizza place on our way back home, and reached the point where we were getting boxes for leftovers, etc.  Then we all were sitting there for quite a while.  I thought we were just waiting on the checks.  Someone asked me if I was going to order ice cream.  It turned out that they had ordered dessert and I was completely unaware of it.  I guess the waitress took orders while she was handing out boxes and things and I just missed it.  Apparently they were all waiting on the ice cream rather than checks, but it was taking a long time.  I decided to go ahead order some too, so I went up front to let them know (hoping it would save some time to have that in the works rather than wait for the absent waitress to return!).  I decided to go ahead and pay, too, again with the idea of saving time later.  After that, I found out that the others decided to get their ice cream  to go because it was taking so long and they didn’t want to wait anymore.  I probably wouldn’t have gotten any if I had know that, (it’s not that easy to eat ice cream with a spoon and drive at the same time).  It was frustrating for me because I was totally out of the loop and just didn’t know what was going on.  It was a hearing thing.  With all of my new awareness of how easy it is for me to miss or be mistaken about what’s happening because of my hearing, it was a bummer to me to have something like that come up.  Not the end of the world, I know.  But just a small example of normal every day things that crop up.    I guess I need to put more thought into how to handle those things in the future.  It’s actually more tricky than it might seem.  We all base our actions on what we perceive as reality.  The whole ice cream scenario wasn’t really a matter of me misunderstanding something that was said, it was a matter of me not knowing things that were said or happening around me.  You can’t really adjust for things you don’t know are happening.  The only way I could have known would be if I had seen the waitress talking and realized I needed to find out what was going on or if someone thought to fill me in.  Most people are not thinking in that way, because they aren’t dealing with this on a regular basis – very understandable.  I just didn’t happen to be looking or paying attention at the right moment in this case.  The question then becomes what can I do about it?  Should I remind people each time we sit down in a restaurant that they might have to fill me in on stuff like that because I could very well miss it?  I usually feel the need to explain to people when I first meet them that I have some problems with my hearing and I might speak too loudly or misunderstand or ask them to repeat several times, just so they understand what’s going on.  I’m not really sure how far to take that.  Maybe instead of reminding people in situations like the restaurant, I just have to try not to let it catch me too off guard  to find out I missed things and just try to be more flexible when things surprise me and go in a direction I’m not prepared for.  I’m not sure where the line is between when a reminder is helpful for others and will make things go more smoothly in a social setting and when I’m being repetitive and drawing attention to myself unnecessarily, or telling a person something they already were thinking about and already know.  I don’t want to make everything about me, but I know that most people I’m around are more than willing to make those adjustments that help me so much if they are thinking about it.   It just doesn’t always cross their minds.  I think I also just have to accept the fact that sometimes things are going to happen that are unavoidable and I will have to try to take them in stride when they do,  hopefully with a smile and a chuckle and a “it’s gonna happen sometimes” attitude.

It’s a  good reminder that we aren’t in control and can’t control everything around us.  We can’t even be prepared for every possible scenario.  What we can do is evaluate things that do happen and see if there is any way we can avoid those situations or handle them better in the future.  Once we’ve done that, it’s again a matter of not worrying about the things that are out of our control and trying to be flexible and handle them the best we can when they occur.  Good lesson for many areas of our lives.