Today, my face once again is noticeably more puffy than it was yesterday (at least to me!).  Parts of my eyelids are puffed out over my eye!  Ugh…I’m sure that means the rest of me is more puffed up, too, it’s just not as easy to see.  I think I’m going to need to learn some tricks with makeup! I wonder how this is affecting my knee and recovering from that injury.  Tomorrow is my doctor’s appt. with an orthopedic specialist to see what’s going on with that.  Hopefully I won’t need surgery, just time and maybe some exercises to strengthen it.  We shall see.  No more problems with my hearing since Wednesday, so that’s good news.  Tonight is the first sign language class, so I’m really looking forward to that!  My “loaner” hearing aid quit working again, so I’ll be winging it tonight, but the instructor told me not to worry about it…it will be fine….that’s kind of the point of sign language after all! 🙂

Some days I don’t blog just because I feel like I need to have some profound thought to share and let’s face it…no one has profound thoughts every day!  Some have told me that they check in every day to see if I’ve written anything, and miss it when I don’t write.  First, thank you for checking in and reading what I write!  It’s good to know someone out there is doing that!  My site shows me how many hits I have , but not who is visiting or following me, so I really have no clue unless you leave comments or have told me you read it!  I really appreciate your interest and that there are some who want to stay updated with the happenings for me and have been encouraged by what they’ve read.  That means a lot to me.

In some ways it seems like life is settling back in to “normal” again since all of this recent stuff with my hearing has taken place.  I’m getting used to having to let people know I’m not following what they are saying, and people are getting used to acknowledging that and repeating.  I really do appreciate the patience my friends and family are showing in this area and the fact that they are willing to repeat things (sometimes more than once).  I will be very interested to see how much my hearing aids will help when they are back from being repaired and are actually fine tuned to meet my specific needs.  I’m hoping it will simplify things considerably.  I noticed yesterday in church that singing is so much easier than it was a couple of months ago.  I’m  happy about that!  Now that voices sound more human again, the melody sounds more like it should to me (not exactly, but much closer) and I am apparently hearing my own voice better, so I’m not getting the “you’re too loud” signals anymore from the ones trying to help me with my volume.

The fluctuations I had with my hearing last week have made me realize once again, that all of this improvement could be fleeting.  I could lose more or all of my hearing at any time.  It reminds me of the scriptures that talk about how fleeting life is.  None of us knows how many more days we’ll have here on earth.  None of us knows what waits for us tomorrow.  It could be a life changing event, it could be a trial, it could be business as usual.  We just don’t know.  We do know who is in control and we don’t have to (and shouldn’t) worry.  We just take it one day at a time, and live that day as if it could be our last, because it could be.  Don’t put off making relationships right, repenting of anything you need to, making each day count in service to others and bringing glory to God…Stay strong in the faith and be prepared for whatever the day holds.  Be grateful for the blessings you have.  Those are the things going through my mind today.

Today it was mostly good news at the doctor’s office.  My hearing test shows that my hearing is back where it was a couple of weeks ago, so that means that the things that happened over the last few days were temporary fluctuations rather than permanent drops in my hearing.  That was great news!  The doctor feels pretty certain that what I have is inner ear autoimmune disease.  He discussed a test that was done on animals regarding a course of treatment that was effective, but explained that it doesn’t necessarily mean it will react the same way in humans. It is  a way to treat for autoimmune problems, so that is why he chose the course of action that he did.  Basically, he wants me to go on a 6 month course of steroids.  It will be at the same dose I’m on now (20 mg).  We discussed once again the side effects and I shared with him some of my concerns about continuing with steroids, but the conclusion at the end of the discussion was that the benefit far outweighs the risk for me now and he recommends that I do it.  I decided to take his advice.  He said it’s important for me to do the entire 6 month course to get the benefit. I told him that I feel that some of the side effects I’ve experienced are improving…I thought due to getting down to a lower dose, so I was thinking I might not have too many side effects at this dose.  He said that’s not the case and that I will gain weight and my face will puff up more (!!!) …it’s pretty unavoidable.  Not something I’m looking forward to, but worth it if my hearing becomes and stays stable.  He wants to see me in the office if I have any more fluctuations or drops in hearing.  It’s important to catch them as early as possible.  So….the good news is that my hearing fluctuations did not result in permanent hearing loss and we are not at a point of saying that  treatment isn’t working and allowing nature to take it’s course.  I also see it as good news if we finally have a diagnosis.  The only downside is more months of side effects from the prednisone.  Hopefully they will be minimal.  Please pray that that will be the case.  I appreciate all of you who take the time to check in on me here and take the time to read my blog!  I also appreciate the prayers and encouragement!

I did make the call to the clinic yesterday and I will have another hearing test and meet with the doctor tomorrow.  My question on the phone yesterday was basically asking what our goal is at this point.  Are we trying to recover any hearing lost (again) and actively treating to try to achieve that goal or does the fact that I’ve lost some hearing while on steroids mean that we’ve already done all we can and it’s not working so the goal is just to get me off the steroids and it is what it is? I’m assuming that’s what we’ll be discussing tomorrow.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about gratitude.  There are so many ways that it has an impact.  I think that sometimes we appreciate things that someone else has said or done and we just don’t always think to let them know that we appreciate it.  Have you ever noticed how much difference a simple thanks or acknowledgment of something you’ve done or said can make your day?  What an encouragement that can be!  Seems like it often happens at just the time you could use a little mental boost!  I’m really trying to make a point of expressing my appreciation to others.  It’s such a small way to encourage someone else and it’s good for us, too, to be thinking that way.

I also think about it from the aspect of the attitude christians should have.  We’re told in scripture to be thankful.  The first thing we should be thankful for is salvation.  I think that so many petty and bad attitudes would be eliminated if we just kept this in the front of our minds and had the deep appreciation we should that even though we are sinners, Christ died for us and we have the opportunity to be saved.  When we really appreciate that, it’s easy to forgive others and have patience with others as they try to walk the christian walk.  I think about enduring trials.  When we are looking for the positives in whatever situation we find ourselves in, and are thankful for those things, it’s easier to endure and find joy whatever our circumstances.  I think about the scripture that talks about being content…again, when we appreciate what we have and are grateful for it we are not focusing on the negatives and it’s easy to be content.  It’s true in a marriage, in friendships, at work, with kids, with your local congregation…the list is unending.

Seems to me that learning to be grateful is one of the most important qualities that we, as christians, need possess.  We need to show that gratitude to others, and we need to show it to God, and give Him the credit He is due.  When we are truly grateful and looking for the positive things in our lives,  expressing appreciation and giving credit where credit is due, we’re helping our minds focus on the things we should.   Seems like a win/win scenario to me!

The doctor’s office finally called me back yesterday afternoon and told me that the he wants me to stay at the same level of prednisone, but just slow down the taper by a couple of extra weeks.  That surprised me, to be honest.  Today I once again noticed a drop in my hearing.  In a way, I’m glad that I’m not increasing the steroids and dealing with more risk/side effects, but it’s also discouraging because then it seems that what this all means is that the improvement I had was only temporary and is dependent on me being on steroids.  If that’s true, then maybe he’s not increasing my dose because if I’m still losing hearing while on steroids then ultimately they won’t stop my hearing loss from happening.  This is too critical for me to make assumptions about the doctor’s decision without making sure that there hasn’t been a mistake in communication at his office and I need to make them aware that I have probably lost more hearing this morning.

Yesterday I was reading in Ephesians, and I was thinking about the  instruction given to slaves:

Ephesians 6:5-8:  Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.  With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free.