I’ve decided to start on a low carb diet again.  I’ve debated for a while about whether I should do it or not.  I’m absolutely convinced low carb is best for me…the debate is not about what type of diet to try, but it has been about whether I should be dieting right now or not.  Mentally, it’s hard for me to work at a diet and do it “perfectly” and not see any weight loss.  I know that the prednisone will impact (possibly even prevent )losing weight.  In past years, I spoke with a doctor about this and she told me that the goal of dieting while on steroids for me would be to maintain my current weight….not to lose weight, but trying not to gain.  She told me it’s not realistic to expect to lose weight while taking steroids.  I always drop fluid when I’m eating low carb which would definitely be good now.  Another aspect of it is that mentally, I have to be in the right place to start something like that and I’ve had a lot to adjust to these past few months and just wasn’t mentally ready to start.  I definitely feel my best when I’m living a low carb lifestyle and although I don’t have diabetes, it runs in my family, and can be one of the side effects of long-term steroid use, so I figure it’s good for me to be eating low carb anyhow – certainly can’t hurt.  I am a person that needs a certain amount of protein to keep my blood sugar stable and can’t skip meals or I get really sick.  Low carb eating keeps my blood sugar very stable, decreases my appetite, and I feel my absolute best when I do it.  My hubby drops huge amounts of weight when he does this and I’m very happy for him.  It can be slightly discouraging, though, when I ask him how much weight he lost in a given week and his answer is 15 lbs and I’ve lost 1.5!  So, my goal here is not necessarily to lose weight (although that would be nice) but to start making the transition to a low carb lifestyle.  That doesn’t mean no deviations, but limited and planned deviations.  I weighed on Tuesday for the first time in several months.  I knew I’d put on weight – there is clearly an increase in my appetite along with the immense fluid retention.  Turns out I’ve gained 30 lbs since May – gulp.  This is exactly what the doctor told me to expect, so I’m not surprised, but need to/want to try to find ways to stop or at least slow this down.  I’m happy to report that since I started back on low carb foods on Tuesday, I’ve already dropped 7.4 lbs!  No doubt it’s all fluid, but that’s more than 7 lbs. of fluid that I’m not carrying today, and I feel better already!  I’m not adding exercise to the equation yet – I want to give myself a week or two to adjust to eating differently again, but then I will add more activity and I know that will also help.   For today, I’m happy to be feeling good and am also happy to be actively doing something that is making a difference!

I’m feeling much better after allowing myself some time to regroup over the weekend.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally I was pretty wiped out and some rest and relaxation was just what I needed.  Sometimes I forget that I’m still taking prednisone and have a moment when I wonder why I’m so out of breath or can’t get out of my chair the way I normally can, or whatever.  Then I remember and it makes me feel a little better.  I guess the fluid retention is always going on, but some days it’s  worse than others.  It reminds me of being 9 months pregnant – you feel heavy, tired, bloated, sweaty and not very bendable.  That’s pretty much how I feel some days…only no cute little baby at the end!  I guess in this case the “baby” is being able to hear for a while longer!  Worth it in both cases!  Now that I think about it, long-term steroid side effects have other similarities to pregnancy – increased appetite, mood swings….hmmmmmm….I seem to remember getting a lot a footrubs when I was pregnant…..maybe I should mention this to my hubby?!  lol    At least I am sleeping well at this point, unlike the beginning when I was on much higher doses, AND my hearing has been stable.  I’m very thankful for that!

Last night the topic at our flock group was anxiety (and using my awesome new Domino Pro I could hear most of the discussion!!!).  I find it interesting that anxiety was also the topic of our ladies’ life class earlier this month.  Apparently it’s a topic that’s on a lot of people’s minds and that many struggle with.  We were asked to share any scriptures that we use to help us deal with and have the right attitude about anxiety.  Some that were mentioned and the thoughts that went along with them were:

Matthew 11:28-30:  Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble at heart and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

We talked about trusting God enough to give him the burdens and relying on Him and learning from Him.

Philippians 4:8-9:  Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,  whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things and the God of peace will be with you.

We talked about dwelling on the right things…once you’ve spent the time you need to thinking about whatever is causing anxiety, evaluating what needs to be done, and then doing whatever you can in the situation, it’s time to trust God to take care of the things that are not in your control and that’s when we need to stop dwelling on the problem, and make our minds dwell on the things above.

Matthew 6:34:  For do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We also talked about the concept that we don’t even know if we have tomorrow.  Our preacher said that in classes about counseling, they were told that 93%-95% of things people worry will happen never actually do!  That’s an amazing statistic!  How wise is the scripture above?  If we live our lives as if today could be our last day (and it could) how differently would we see things?  I think it would become quite obvious what really matters …our priorities would change, we’d make sure we were right with God and take care of any unresolved issues with others, make sure our household was in order, express our love and appreciation to others, teach the gospel to someone we’d been “meaning” to talk to sometime….

We also talked about Job and how he absolutely recognized God’s sovereignty and His right to give and take as He pleases without questioning from us…..

There is a proper kind of anxiety – we should feel it when we have not been doing what we should and it can prompt us take action.

A thought I had after our discussion was that staying busy and working hard also can help lessen anxiety…you have other things that your mind is focussed on and you usually sleep better when you’re tired from a hard day’s work!

There was more discussed, this is just a few of the highlights in a nutshell.  I thought it was worth taking a moment to share.

Most of you know that we live out in the country, so we really don’t have many visitors just drop by.  The occasional UPS delivery or the mailman might drop by, but most people check to see if we’re home before they come over.  I thought it might be a while before we got to use my new doorbell in a real life scenario.  Turns out that mom’s visit provided the first opportunity.  It was quite the event!  Chet left work early on Monday to go to the chiropractor.  His back was bothering him and after the adjustment, he took some Tylenol and Advil and came home to take a nap and recuperate a little.  About 45 minutes later, mom arrived and she rang the doorbell.  I was so excited!  The strobe lights flashed and the ringing sound was very loud so I had no problem hearing it! In the past, even before the latest hearing episode, I really couldn’t hear someone at the door.   The new doorbell continues to ring until you shut it off or it goes for a designated amount of time – I’m not sure exactly what that length of time is, but it’s pretty long…maybe a minute?  That’s a long time for a loud ringing to be happening!  Anyhow, I was excited that it worked so great, (and that mom was here!) and then when it kept going off I started realizing that poor Chet was trying to rest, so then I was trying to figure out how to shut it off (and also greet mom at the door)!  Then I realized that I was seeing the flashing lights and hearing the sound from the remote unit in the living room, but the main unit is in our bedroom, so the flashing strobe lights and ringing sound were probably also going off  where Chet was sleeping!  Yikes!  It wasn’t too long before he came out and that’s when I learned that the bed shaker also goes off for the doorbell, AND that it’s strong enough that he can feel it on his side of the bed!  LOL  What a crazy moment!!!!  One of the funny times in the middle of all of this stuff!!!    He didn’t get much rest, but he could also appreciate the humor in the situation and we had a good laugh over it!

Seems like the time just flew while mom was here.  She arrived on Monday in time for a family dinner – all but a couple of people could make it – and she got to meet Owen (her great-grandson) for the first time!  We had a great time together, then she got to go to ASL class with us and really enjoyed it.  I was glad she got to see first-hand what we are doing in there.  It’s becoming a pretty big part of my life right now and I’m glad she had the opportunity to see what we’re up to.  Over the last few days, she’s learned the alphabet and a very brief sentence or two, but I was  impressed at how quickly she learned that much!  I think she’s got “the bug” now and might try to find a class in her area.  Tuesday we had time to relax and catch up over our morning coffee, and then headed over to Cory & Nicole’s for more time with them and Owen.  Then we went to the Mall of America and spent a few hours there.  It was a fun day, and Kinsey and Jarryd also got to spend most of it with us.  Wednesday, Mom and I played Mexican Train Dominos and had more of a veg out day at home.  Mom is a game fanatic (cards and domino’s primarily) and I am, too, so we always play a LOT when we get together.  I have a hard time getting anyone around here to play them with me, so it’s always fun when mom (or my sister!) come and we can play all we want to!  Again, that evening, we had a family dinner for everyone who could make it and then went to church together.  Later, Chet joined us for a few games of Farkle and we had a blast.  Thursday, we spent the day chatting over coffee, playing games and then had dinner with Cody & Jessi over at Cory & Nicole’s and had so much fun visiting and (of course) playing with Owen!  We got to see him roll over from his back to his tummy for the first time!  It’s always amazing to me how enthralled a group of adults can be watching a little baby for long periods of time and love every second!  It reminded me of a time about 25 years ago when Chet and I sat with a cousin and his wife and watched their baby  try to roll over for 3 or 4 hours!  We were all so excited when Owen made it all the way over (after multiple attempts) that we all cheered and that scared him and made him cry! 😦      I don’t think it will keep him from trying again soon, though! We also got to take some pics of mom and Owen in their Harley attire and we took a 4 generation picture with Mom, Cory, Owen and I.  It was a fun time.

Today we had coffee together, then mom headed out and now I’m giving myself permission to relax and regroup a little for the rest of the day.  I’ll probably work on some laundry and a few household chores, but I’m going to try to rest up a little and recover from a very fun but  very busy week.  The rest of the weekend  will also be busy, so I’m taking advantage of the opportunity while I have it!

I know that’s a goofy subject line, but it cracked me up and I couldn’t resist!  Cody got my new alarm clock and door bell set up the other day, and between the bed shaking and the strobe lights flashing it feels a little like an alien invasion!!!  We needed a couple of extra parts to get the smoke alarm and phone hooked up, but it’s all in the works!  Thanks, Cody!  I have had the chance to test out the alarm a couple of times now, and it works!  I have a temperpedic mattress, so the person in the store said I might need to place the bed shaker under the mattress pad instead of the mattress in order to feel it shake.  Cody tried it under the mattress and it is enough to wake me up…. it’s more gentle than I expected (probably because of the mattress) but I think that’s a good thing as long as it wakes me up!

I’m still trying to figure out the best way to handle all of my different listening situations.  I went on a day trip with some ladies from my church to Stillwater, MN, a quaint little town about an hour away with lots of antique shops and interesting stores and a seriously amazing ice cream shop!  I decided to try my new Domino Pro (the personal FM listening system) in the car.  That is one of the situations it is supposed to be good to handle.  Normally, even with my hearing aids, I can’t really hear anyone in the car if I am driving (my deaf ear is toward the people in the car and my good ear toward the window, so road noise is amplified).  In order to even understand some of what the front seat passenger says, I have to turn my head and look at them pretty often.  The visual clues while they are speaking help me a little bit.  Obviously, that’s less than ideal when you are driving!  I generally can’t hear anyone in the back of the car.  I set up my system and it really did help!  Unfortunately, it took several tries – I eventually figured out that I forgot to plug the neckloop into the system!  Once I figured that out, it worked well….until I realized that the units were running on low battery and needed charging!  At least I got a taste of what it will be like and I think it’s going to be great in that situation!!!  I’m very happy about that.  I’m still working on figuring out the best way to handle hearing on Sunday mornings at church.  My neckloop doesn’t work with the church listening system (I don’t know why) like I thought it would.  I’m trying out some different ways of using my Domino Pro, but I’m not really sure what I’ll end up doing.  I feel like the quality of sound I’m getting from my hearing aids is not what it should be, but I don’t really know if that’s because they are turned up so loud, and there’s no way to avoid losing some quality, or if they aren’t working the way they should.  I’ll keep experimenting until I figure out my best options in each situation I find myself.  I’ve had a few days when I’ve felt discouraged about this….seems like the “transitional” phase should be mostly over by now and it’s been a bit of a bummer that I’m still trying to figure things out, almost 4 months later.  Maybe it will be an ongoing process since there are so many factors that influence how well I can hear, even in similar situations.  I guess I just need to remember to be thankful that I’m hearing what’s being said much of the time now, and make sure I don’t forget how much better this is than those weeks in May and June when I didn’t even know if I would be able to hear at all.  Yep, reality check.  Be thankful, Brenda!  (I am!).

Tomorrow is our last night of ASL class for the first level.  It’s been such a great opportunity and so good for those who participated!  I keep hearing stories of people finding others signing in various places and trying to interact with them!  That’s so cool.  I guess once you become aware, there are a lot more people out there using it than you realize!  We have the opportunity to continue on for 2 more levels.  I’m hoping there are enough who want to do that to be able to have class.  I think that would be awesome!  My mom will be arriving from Oklahoma for a visit tomorrow and will get to sit in on our class.  I’m excited for her to have the chance to see what we are doing!  I’m also really looking forward to having a few days to visit with her and for her to meet her great-grandson for the first time!!!!!  Should be a wonderful week!

In the last day or two, I have been thinking a lot about how interesting it is how God works sometimes.  I didn’t really spent any time thinking about “why” when I lost my hearing back in May.  It didn’t matter to me “why.”  It happened and I focused on how to move forward and deal with it.  When I regained some of that hearing, I was thrilled and grateful.  I still didn’t think all that much about “why.”  Lately, I find myself thinking about the “why”…why did I go deaf for a few weeks and then regain some hearing?  Is this where my hearing will stay for a significant amount of time?  Will I lose it again sooner or later?  Will the 12 year pattern change and my hearing be stable from now on?  If so, why did I experience deafness for those weeks?  My questions are not from the perspective of blame or anger like sometimes happens to people, but really just from a wondering perspective.  I accept that it happened, and that it’s God’s decision and plan, not mine.  I’m happy to do my part, whatever that may be.  It’s more of a curiosity.  I’ve been thinking about what that experience has led to in my life….because of those weeks, I’ve become much more sensitive to others who are deaf and hard of hearing.  I’ve had my eyes opened to a whole new world that I never really noticed before.  I’ve started learning ASL, along with many significant others in my life.  I’ve seen a deeper camaraderie and even more interaction among those participating.  We were already close, but it’s drawing us all even closer to each other.   I know of at least one person who has told me that she was touched and encouraged by seeing all of the people taking the sign language class to help support me.  I knew it was touching and encouraging for me, but I didn’t realize it would be for others as well.  I know of at least one person who has mentioned that she is considering becoming a certified ASL interpreter as a career choice – one that would allow her to earn income for her family, but also have the flexibility to stay home with her children.  I wonder if this will eventually lead to a deaf ministry for our church – we have 20 members learning ASL right now. Through the ASL instructor, I’ve been put in contact with many resources I had no idea were available for the deaf and hard of hearing.  She has many connections and has been a wonderful support.  I’ve become more educated about the needs and the technology available to help meet the needs of the deaf and hard of hearing.  I’ve had access to products that will help me adapt and function at a very affordable price.  I’m considering joining the HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America) and attending meetings to educate myself and be aware of the latest happenings medically, technologically, and politically  and to connect with others that share the same challenges. I’ve become much more aware of being careful and accurate in communication.  I’ve learned that I have to accept that I’m often the one making the mistake in communication, and am learning to listen more carefully, be slower to react until I’ve verified my facts, humble myself more when needed.  I have been talking about writing for years, but this has actually got me started writing. I’ve learned how to set up a blog (!).  There seems to be a cascade of events that have come from those weeks back in May and June and I wonder if that is why it happened.  I also wonder if those weeks of deafness were God  giving me a big nudge to get the things in motion that I have learned about to function better  and regaining some hearing  is His way of allowing me extra time to “get my ducks in a row” before I  lose the rest of my hearing again permanently.  I’m  sure it is easier to learn ASL while I still have some hearing than it would be after it is gone.  Tuesday, I bought the products I need to function at home….a system of alerts that includes an alarm clock that will shake my bed to wake me up and flash strobe lights (I’m unable to hear an alarm clock now), smoke and carbon monoxide detectors that will warn me with strobe lights and an extra loud alarm, a wireless doorbell that will flash a strobe light, and a connection to the phone that will alert me with the strobe light as well (and if I ever babysit grandkids, there’s an alert for a baby monitor, also).  I’m very excited about these items.  I’ll try to get it all up and running in the next few days.  I also got a personal FM assistive listening device that allows me much more flexibility and ability to hear in group situations….I tried it out on Wednesday night at church and was able to hearing people making prayer requests in the audience for the first time in years! I also used it at our ladies class last night and was able to hear the teacher and all comments in that situation!  I’m looking forward to using it at the next flock group.  It’s going to be a wonderful addition to my “tool belt” for me!  These are all items that will also benefit me if/when I lose more hearing and even if I end up with cochlear implants at some point.  Maybe that’s the “why” of how this all happened….I wonder if God is helping ease the transition for me by allowing me to get all of this in place and then when/if the day comes that I’m permanently deaf (and making decisions about cochlear implants) these things will already be done and working and I will already be accustomed to them and comfortable with them.  I know it will make the transition that much smoother and less overwhelming.  Ultimately, I don’t know the reasons and I may never know.  I find it interesting to see all of the events that have taken place as a result of it all, and all of the blessings.  They would not have happened if this situation had not occurred.  I’ll be looking forward to “the rest of the story” and seeing what all of this leads to.  I’m thankful we have a God who is always in control and who has plans for us that are so much better than we could ever imagine on our own.  I’m excited about whatever the future holds for me!