I thought after the last couple of posts, that I’d better let you all know right away that I’m feeling better today!  I honestly have no idea why I have more energy and less swelling, but I’ll take it!  I’m thankful!  The emotions are settling down a bit as well.  I know that can change in a heartbeat, but I’m grateful for a break from it for now! 🙂

I’m working on getting my “To Do” list put together of things I want to get done around the house before the wedding.  I’m working on some of the final details of the wedding itself.  I’m taking care of the normal household chores that need to be done and it feels great to be accomplishing these things and not being exhausted halfway through!  I slept very well last night – maybe that has something to do with it as well.  I guess I’ve always taken forgranted having good health and normal energy – I’ve seen what it’s like on the “other side” now and I definitely appreciate what I’ve got!

Hope you all have a blessed day!

It seems that the roller coaster ride is still not over.  Physically, I feel better than I did when I last posted.  There were about 5 days that I really felt exhausted physically and mentally.  I suspect either I was still suffering from the effects of my cold even though I thought I was past it, or something got out of whack in my system – maybe electrolytes or potassium or something.  There was a noticeable improvement in my energy after those 5 days.  Unfortunately, my stress levels are still running very high and my emotions are still in turmoil.  I have a lot going on right now in my life and I think that normally I would feel some stress, but things feel more extreme than they normally would.  My daughter’s wedding is in December, and my husband pointed out to me today that my stress levels are likely to get worse as the holidays and wedding and all that goes along with those events get closer.  I’m sure he’s right.  I’m just going to have to figure out how to keep my mind focused where it needs to be and try to find better coping strategies.  If anyone has any tips or advice, please share them!  I’m all ears!

On a positive note, today I woke up and could actually see my ankle bones again!  It’s the first time they have looked close to normal in quite some time.  I have no idea why.  I imagined that eating higher sodium items would make the swelling worse, and that increasing the amount of activity I was getting would help reduce the swelling.  I’m sure those things are factors, but honestly I don’t see improvement based on those things.  There were days I ate very low sodium and the swelling did not improve and days I made a point to keep moving and also no improvement.  Today, I can’t say I did anything all that different, it just improved.  Don’t know how long that will last, but I’ll take it!

From a spiritual standpoint, I feel like I’m struggling.  A part of me is beating myself up mentally for being so “weak” and feeling like my attitude is bad and the thoughts going through my mind are cranky petty thoughts that someone who has been in the faith for as long as I have should not be prone to anymore.  I feel disappointed in myself and discouraged that I’m struggling with this when I  know better, and feel like I should have put aside those things long ago.  Then there’s a part of me that understands that some of this is due to the steroids and also the normal physical changes women go through as they approach their 50’s and 60’s – so there are physical/chemical factors that are real.  It explains some of the extremes I’m feeling, but I still have to behave appropriately, no matter how I feel.  Clearly I need to be spending more time renewing my mind in God’s word and forcing myself to refocus my thoughts.  It is encouraging to me to keep in mind that the day is coming when I’ll be off the steroids and the hormonal changes will gradually become less extreme.

I’m sharing these things in my blog, because I’m sure there are others that have some of these issues, at least from time to time.  I think sometimes we don’t share the fact that we’re struggling and we are missing out on prayers and encouragement and advice that could strengthen us and help us through those times. How can we be there for each other if we don’t know the truth about what’s going on in each other’s lives?  I know that overall I will be fine, but today I’m asking for prayers for strength and if there are any things you have found helpful for you during times of stress or struggle, please share them with me.  I know that these things are temporary and will pass, like any other trial in life.  In the big picture, this one isn’t even really all that big.  I’m not even sure it merits the title “trial.”  I’m thankful that I have a safety net of love and support to help me keep the right perspective during times like this.  Just writing these thoughts down is a little like giving myself a mental “talking to” and it seems to be helping (at least a little bit!).  🙂

I know that there are many things that affect our attitudes, but one thing I’m really realizing lately is how much our physical well-being affects our mental well-being.  Obviously, there are other factors as well.  I’m not trying to diminish the importance of spiritual health – that’s the most important of all.  It always surprises me, though, how much our physical health affects our attitudes.  The side effects I’m experiencing on prednisone are making such a difference in how I feel every day.  Yesterday, I had a pretty physical day working on the “big” cleaning items in our home.  It felt good to get things done, but my legs (even my feet!) swelled up so much that by the end of the day I felt like I could hardly move and I was exhausted.  I was in my bed  with my Nook by 9:30pm!  I really needed to get my feet up and just rest. I pushed myself to the absolute limits of what I am capable of doing right now.   I got a good night’s sleep and I feel so much better today!  It gives me a mental boost to have accomplished so much housework yesterday and today I can enjoy my clean house and focus on some less labor intensive chores like laundry and bills!

I’m thinking today about those people who have health problems that they have to live with on an ongoing basis.  It must be so discouraging to feel bad day after day with no end in sight.  I never realized how difficult that must be.  I know that my situation is temporary.  Once I get off the drug, I will begin to feel like my old self again physically.  It helps me cope on the tough days, knowing that I just have to hang in there a little longer.  I have a new respect for those who know they won’t improve, but still maintain a positive attitude and still find ways to serve in spite of feeling poorly.  Wow!  What giants in the faith!   Makes my situation seem pretty insignificant.

We live in a society where over-extending ourselves is the norm.  Most of us are walking around sleep-deprived and tired much of the time!  I wonder how much that affects our attitudes as we go about our days.  I suspect quite a lot.  It makes me realize how important it is to make some time to take care of ourselves physically.  I’m not good at this – that’s obvious by the fact that I have a significant amount of extra weight I carry around on my body.  It always surprises me how much better I feel when I eat healthy foods, at least get a moderate amount of  activity in my day, and get enough rest.  Isn’t it easier to put off whatever we want to get done or skip our daily Bible time and prayer when we are tired?  Aren’t we more prone to being cranky and saying or doing things we might regret?  Aren’t we more likely to dwell on the wrong things and feel sorry for ourselves?  Aren’t we more likely to give in to temptations?  I think that simply getting enough rest on a regular basis could make a huge difference in these things.  Combine that with filling our minds with God’s Word and the attitudes He wants us to have…..now that’s a winning combo!!

I’m realizing that even though I often joke about how old I’m getting (I’ll be 50 on my next birthday) I’m really not that old in the big picture.  I can feel changes in my body, though, and I can see that if I don’t get to work at being as healthy as I possibly can be  it’s only going to get harder.  Because of my weight, I’m starting to have issues that are more typical for people who are older than me.  My husband and I have lots of plans (Lord willing) for after he retires and if I don’t work on the things that I can improve, I may not be physically capable of doing the things we want to accomplish.  There are always things that we cannot control, but I need to take care of the things that I can and be a better steward of the body I’ve been given.  I know that each person has different struggles and weaknesses, but I suspect that most of us could improve in taking care of our physical bodies. It makes a difference in ways we may not even think about!

I feel like yesterday morning I got on the emotional roller coaster and still haven’t been able to get off of the ride!  I’m fighting very hard to have enough self-control not to say the things that want to come out of my mouth!  So far, I have been successful and for that I’m thankful!  Sadly, that feels like a big accomplishment!  Now if I could just get a proper perspective on things again and adjust my attitude back to where it should be!  I know for a fact that I am over-reacting to minor issues, so there’s no doubt in my mind it’s either steroid-induced mood swings or hormone-induced mood swings, or a combination thereof!  You wouldn’t believe how minor the things are that are causing me such distress and bringing me near tears and making me so frustrated I feel like I can’t take it anymore!  Crazy!!!  Actually, if you are female you would understand, and especially if you are a female somewhere around the age of 50 or older!!  I’m thankful that my emotions haven’t been this extreme all along.  It’s actually been a great weekend – that’s part of why this is so frustrating!  I should be feeling great!  Oh well, I’m sure if I wait a few minutes, it will all seem completely different once again! lol

Saturday was our annual ladies’ day at church.  It’s an event we all look forward to all year long.  It’s so great for us to have the experience of working together for a common goal and to have the opportunity to hear speakers we don’t generally get to hear – that’s a treat!  It’s also so much fun to get to enjoy the company of other christian women in our area.  It was an awesome day!  Afterwards, I headed home and my sweet hubby told me he was taking me out to dinner!  Two days in a row is pretty major for us!  We were celebrating the fact that he found his hearing aids which have been missing for a year and a half!  Woohoo!  That IS worth celebrating!  He also knew how exhausted I felt this weekend, and wanted to treat me and save me from having to cook or clean up.  I guess the combo of steroids and how out of breath and tired they make me feel, plus still recovering from a cold, and having two exceptionally busy days in a row took their toll.  I have been so tired this weekend that I felt like I had reached the limit of what I was capable of more than once.  I went to bed at 10pm on Friday night (for those of you that know me, that is very early!  I’m usually one to go to sleep around midnight or 1am) and slept until I had to get up around 7am.  Then Saturday night, I slept for 7 hours, then napped Sunday afternoon for 2 hours, then still went to bed early and slept until I felt caught up this morning (around 6am – earlier than usual, but I guess I finally caught up!)  We tried another new restaurant.  It was one that I found when I was doing my research on restaurants in the twin city area a few years ago.  I read lots of great reviews about it and put it on my list of places I’d like to try sometime.  Chet’s mom also saw it on a tv program, and thought it sounded like someplace that we would love.  It’s an Italian place called Broder’s Pasta Bar.  Italy has a special place in our hearts – it’s where we first started dating and where we went for our 25th anniversary.  We arrived at 5pm on a Saturday and still had to wait an hour to be seated.  It was worth it, though!  The food was phenomenal!  We will definitely be going there again!!!  My favorite dish we tried had homemade fresh pasta with a cream sauce, a little bit of pancetta and truffle oil!  The truffle oil really took it over the top.  It was a fun evening!  Last night was also flock groups at church.  Even with my personal listening system, I  was only able to hear parts of it.  I think there is a visual aspect of following along for me, even with improved volume control that still is helpful.  I was seated in a way where I couldn’t see the speakers most of the time.  I’m pretty sure that made the difference.  I guess I’ll have to request trading places with someone next time if I find myself in that situation again.

I spent some time this morning back in God’s Word, trying to get my head back where it needs to be.  I spent some time in prayer – giving thanks and making requests and asking forgiveness for my shortcomings.  I’m so glad we have the Word to guide us, and God’s power behind us to help us when we fall short.  I love 2 Chronicles 16:9:  For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His…  I want to make sure that my heart is completely His, then it’s such a comfort and gives me much-needed strength to know how much He wants to be there for me!  Love this verse! Hope you all have a great Monday (or as my friend always says, hope you all MAKE a great Monday!).

Today was the day I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Levine.  My hearing test showed that my hearing is the same (good news) but my word comprehension is down a little.  It’s not a huge change, but the doctor wasn’t happy about it.  He started our visit with the statement, “Well, you haven’t recovered any more and you’ve actually lost some word comprehension.”  I didn’t think it was even a goal to recover any more at this point.  He asked my how I’m tolerating the prednisone and asked about the side effects I’m having.  When I told him that it was basically like being 9 months pregnant all the time he said that biochemically speaking, what prednisone does to the body is very similar to what happens during pregnancy!  I thought that was interesting (seemed like he did, too).  I asked my questions about how my cold might impact my situation and he didn’t seem too concerned.  He said it will probably take a little longer to get over it, but didn’t seem to think it would likely make much difference with my hearing since I’m already on steroids. I go back for another follow-up in a month and he did say that if I’ve lost more word comprehension at that point (or hearing for that matter) that there is a chance he would go ahead and take me off the drugs.  I guess that would mean it’s not helping anymore.  Time will tell!

Chet was off work today and went with me.  He was kind of frustrated when we left.  It’s hard for him to see me not feeling well from the drugs and it’s also a grieving process for him, like it has been for me.  Watching his wife lose her hearing is a loss for him, too.  It frustrates him that there are no definitive answers to what’s happening.  Whenever I ask about results or possibilities it’s all in the realm of “there’s no way to know” or “this is so rare we’re trying experimental things so we don’t know the outcome.”  I think sometimes it’s harder for the loved ones to have to watch someone they love go through things and know there’s nothing they can do to “fix” it than it is for the person going through an issue.  He’s truly a wonderful support to me and I really didn’t even realize he was feeling this way until we talked about it some today.

We saw a show on the Food Network  a couple of months ago.  It was Adam from Man vs. Food doing a show where he was looking for the best sandwich in America!  He chose a finalist from each of 9 regions in the country, and the one that won from the midwest region was from a restaurant called Tilia’s in Minneapolis.  It was a fish taco torta (spanish word for sandwich) and we decided today was the day we were going to give it a try.  I have to say, it was a very unique and really delicious fish sandwich!  We loved it!  I feel like it lived up to its reputation.  They also had a fabulous burger.  We will definitely be going back sometime when we’re looking for something “different.”  It was a little spendy (note my  proper use of the word “spendy” – a local phrase from a girl who grew up in the South!) but fun for an occasional splurge.  We went to a Starbucks after lunch that had a clover machine (a different way of brewing a cup of coffee – not all SBs have them) and enjoyed some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee which was also fun.  (We have wonderful memories of drinking Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee in Jamaica for our 10th anniversary trip many moons ago!) Ended up running a few errands after that and for a girl who’s been sick most of this week, it was fun but I was exhausted by the end of the day!   When we got home around 5pm we both put on pjs and vegged out for the rest of the evening!  We rarely get to spend the whole day together so it was very nice!

Tomorrow is our annual ladies’ day at our church, so it will be a full but very uplifting and fun day as well.  I think I’d better get some rest!  Good night all.  Thanks so much for keeping up with me here and for all of the kind words and prayers.  They (ie you!) are very much appreciated!

Last night was so much fun!  We started the next level of our sign language class.  There are 12 of us continuing on to  Level II  and I’m very excited about that.  We spent some time writing down lists of words that Debbie (our instructor) signed to us for some practice reading fingerspelling (which I need!).  I had to laugh because out of the 20 words she spelled, I missed 4 (hey – she was going fast!) and of course both times it was my turn to stand up before the class and “give the answer” it was for ones I missed!  Isn’t that the way things always seem to go?  🙂  Next, we were given a list of food words and separated into groups.  We were told to communicate the words on the list without any voice.  Most were words we hadn’t learned signs for yet and she told us to communicate them anyway we could.  That was good for some laughs!  My friend, Bruce, communicated “egg” in an interesting way (Basically flapping “chicken wing” arms and then something exiting from the other end!  My son, Cody, came up with the same illustration at home once, too!) Then our teacher went over the actual signs for those things – we had guessed some of them correctly!  Then we watched a video – part of a series about a family who is deaf.  This episode was about a trip to the grocery store and they used all of our new vocabulary.  Next we watched a video of a man doing a number story.  Several have asked what that is on my Facebook status, so I’m going to explain it here.  Each story uses the handshapes for the numbers 1-10.  In the example we saw, the storyteller said that “1” would represent the clerk in a store, “2” would be a bow tie (he held both hands in the “2” shape and held them up to his neck so they formed the shape of a tie), “3” would be the items being purchased being moved on the conveyor belt (he held his hand in the “3” shape and imitated moving things along), “4” would be adding the items up (imitated using an old-fashioned cash register with hand-held in the “4” shape), “5” would be the clerk’s hair (held both hands in “5” shape and made motions around head like a women’s flipped up long hair), etc.   After he told what each number represented in the story, then he performed the skit using the stated hand shapes/numbers.  That is a number story, at least as we know it at this time.  Our instructor said that it’s a favorite pastime of many deaf people to sit around telling these kinds of stories with numbers or letters of the alphabet and it can go on for hours!  We split into 2 groups to make one up in class (kind of hard when you’re not in that mindset yet).  Our homework for the week is to make one up of our own and have someone videotape us performing it.  Should be fun/interesting!!!!!!  I’m also very excited to have learned that my mom, sister-in-law, and niece in Oklahoma have started a beginning sign language class!  So cool!  I can’t wait until we see them and can sign with each other!

Physically, I’m feeling about the same regarding side effects.  I also have come down with a cold.  It’s pretty mild right now, but definitely the beginning of one.  I’m not worried, but I am wondering what this will be like.  I haven’t ever been sick while on an immune-suppressing drug.  I have a friend who has had a heart transplant and I’m sure his drugs are much stronger than mine and I know he’s been sick and I think it just takes longer to recover.  I’m not really sure.  Will it be worse than normal?  The same intensity just take longer to recover?  I guess I’ll find out.  The other thing on my mind is that the last time I was sick, it was a precursor to my most recent (severe) hearing loss episode.  Over the years I have been sick and not had any issues with my hearing, but there definitely have been times (maybe all – I wasn’t watching that for a pattern from the beginning) when my episodes followed an illness.  I guess that would make sense if this is actually an autoimmune disease since an illness would get your immune system going.  I guess it’s on my mind now because obviously my system is “flared up” these days and so to me it seems more likely that a problem could occur.  On the other hand, I’m already on steroids, so that might be enough to prevent any further loss.  I guess time will tell.  If I experience hearing loss while on steroids, I think that might be the point where the doctor says that there’s nothing more they can do.  I’m not sure if he would do the whole high dose plus injection thing again so soon.  Maybe.  I’m not sure if I would want to do all of that again if it only “might” borrow a “little” more time before my hearing is gone.  Obviously, long-term steroid use is hard on the body, and I have to also consider my overall health (and mental well-being!) Whatever happens,   I’m doing everything I can and as I’ve said before, the rest is out of my control.  God is in control and I trust Him.  I’m actually feeling encouraged that if this turns out to be the time I lose the rest of my hearing, I’m set up quite nicely (much better than before) to handle it.  I have my special alarm clock, smoke detector, phone ringer, doorbell and my captioning telephone.  I’ve learned enough sign language to at least get some basic things communicated and my family and friends are quite good at charades!!!! 🙂  I’m not expecting this to happen, but am trying to mentally prepare for the possibility.  I’m going to go now, and rest and drink lots of fluids! 🙂

Since my last post, the fluid in my knees seems to be slightly improved; however, there is now muscle soreness going up and down my leg from one of my knees.  A friend said that it probably means the knee-joint is moving around a bit and the muscles around it are trying to hold it together.  The weird part is that it is not the knee I injured recently that is hurting the most, it’s the other one!  Sometimes the soreness goes higher up my leg and sometimes it’s more localized near the knee.  Very weird.  I’ve also noticed that I’ve become more forgetful over the last few months.  I was thinking that I shouldn’t be that forgetful at age 49 – it kind of worried me.  I’ve started making a point of spending some time each day playing some timed word games to try to stimulate my brain a little.  When I was checking back over some of the possible side effects of long-term prednisone use, I saw that forgetfulness and sometimes having trouble finishing a thought are listed as side effects!  Wheww!  That was actually a relief!  I had forgotten (lol) that it could be related to the steroids! 🙂  I seem to be a little less short of breath than  I was at the worst, but still not back to normal.  I’m definitely feeling weaker as far as my muscles go.  I’m not sure if I’m actually doing less physically because I don’t feel as well and it’s all harder and that’s why or if that is also just par for the course. It doesn’t seem to me that I’m being significantly less active, but I’m not sure.  I’m definitely noticing that I’m having some ups and downs with the emotions, too.  That is also a side effect (in addition to the ups and downs most women have regularly anyway, and women around my age already have more of that so it’s kind of like a triple whammy!).  I weighed again the other day, expecting to be back up to my all time high since I was feeling so bloated, but actually I’m down 10 lbs from that, so that was good news!  Still 20 lbs over my “norm” but better than I was expecting.  Unfortunately, it’s time to swap out summer for winter clothes here in Minnesota and most of my long pants are not fitting me.  Guess I’ll have to get a couple of pairs of prednisone pants!  I have to keep reminding myself that there’s a good reason for all of this!  The doctor made a point of emphasizing to me that it’s important to commit to the whole 6 months of treatment in order to receive the benefit.  I’m guessing there are patients who get tired of all of the side effects and decide to quit taking the drug.  I certainly don’t want all of this to be for nothing.  Counting the time I was on higher doses trying to recover hearing, I’ve been on prednisone now for  over 4 months.  The official plan is for me to be on this dose through the end of January, then taper off.  Not sure how slow the taper will be, but I’m about half way now if we continue with this course of action.  I see the doctor again for a follow-up on Friday.

On a different note, I had a wonderful day yesterday!  Chet was off work from both jobs for the entire day on a Saturday!  That is rare!  One of our closes friends just had his 50th birthday, so we made it a date day with him and his wife and had a wonderful time together.  We went to the movies and I got to try out another  type of captioning system. There is a theater chain in our area that has just added a system by Sony for their theaters.  It was really cool.  There is a unit you wear around your neck and they program it for you to the theater where you are seeing your movie.  Then they give you a pair of glasses, and when you are in the theater, the captions appear in the glasses!  The picture was great, the captions meant I didn’t miss much of anything (except when I was letting everyone try them out so they could see what it was like!).  Overall, this was great.  Comparing it to the CaptiView I talked about in an earlier post, I’d say I might like the CaptiView a little better.  The Sony glasses did skip the captions several times.  Not for long, but there were short gaps from time to time.  The words move around anytime you move your head, so you have to be pretty still or get used to them moving.  I found a position where the words appeared to me above the picture and that seemed to be the most comfortable.  One thing that is really great about this is that it has opened up the movie options.  Before these theaters added the Sony glasses, the local theaters generally only had one or two movie choices that offered captioning and there are only some theaters that do that.  With this addition, the glasses can be used in most of their theaters, so it basically gave me the option to watch most any movie out, which was great.  I also saw some info on this system and it says you can use a neckloop with it, so I’ll bring mine along next time and try that out!  After the movie we went to a steakhouse that I’ve never been to and had a great meal, then headed over to our friend’s house and visited for a while, then watched another movie.  I had to laugh because usually movies at home are easy to caption, but this particular one was an older movie and it wasn’t an option.  I got a nice little nap in while they watched it! LOL  Fun day.  Thanks for humoring me today while I talk about this stuff!  I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining.  I don’t mean it to be that.  I’m just recording what’s going on for me to have a record of and also for those who want to stay up on it.  Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I actually felt pretty well last week – having less fluid in my system made a big difference!  I don’t know exactly why, but yesterday I woke up feeling like a big balloon!  I am retaining fluid even worse than before!  My joints will move, but ache and feel like they are so full that they really don’t want to.  Very uncomfortable day yesterday and honestly hard to move around.  Today I think there is a slight improvement, but still not back to where I was and feel like I should be.  I guess there will always be ups and downs, right?  Keeps life interesting!  I’m drinking tea like crazy, trying to move around some (even though I feel like plopping down somewhere and not moving all day) and eating low carb.  That really helped me drop fluid last week.  I have to laugh – it really is like being 9 months pregnant some days!  The same friend that I shared the story about in my last post, told me yesterday that I hung up on her mid phone conversation!  I answered her call on one of our regular cordless phones (my CapTel is upstairs and I was downstairs at the time).  Sometimes I do okay on the regular phone and sometimes I don’t.  Turned out this was a time it was very difficult and I THOUGHT we were done! lol Oh well, luckily she understands and we had a good laugh!  I wish I’d done a better job of documenting all of the mishaps and misunderstandings that have occurred in the last 12 years due to hearing problems (for me and my hubby!).  There have been some really funny ones.  I’m sure there would be enough material for that book I’ve always wanted to write! 🙂

I wrote earlier about an incident on vacation where Chet and I decided that a good rule of thumb is “If someone does something or says something that isn’t what you would expect or seems “weird” to you, then you should check it out and see if there’s been a miscommunication.”  That happened last night.  Our church had a bonfire and evening of fellowship planned last night.  A family from our church who are good friends of ours live near us and I was going to be driving right by their house on my way.  I called and left a message on their phone to see if they were planning to go, and if not I wanted to offer to take some of the kids if they wanted to go.  I hadn’t heard back by the time I had to leave home, so I decided to try to call them one more time from my car as I was heading out.  Still no answer, so I just figured it wasn’t going to happen and continued on my way.  When I arrived at the house where we were having the bonfire, I saw that I had missed a call from my friend.  I called back and was expecting to hear something like “Thanks for the offer, but we decided to stay home.” or “Thanks for the offer, but we didn’t get the message until it was too late,” or something along those lines.  Instead, it was a “weird” call.  I said “Hey, I saw I just missed a call from you.”  “Yep…(silence).”  “Well, I called earlier and left a message offering to pick up the kids if they wanted to go to the bonfire.”  “Ok….(silence).”  “Did you get the message?”  “Yes, they got it…(long silence)”  “Ummm, I tried to call again on my way, but no one answered.”  “(silence)….sound of chewing…..”  “Are you there?”  “Yes….(silence).”  “Ok, well, I’m in the driveway, so I need to get going.”  “Ok.”  “Bye.” “”Bye.”  I really thought that was odd.  My girlfriend likes to talk as much as I do and something definitely seemed “off.”  I went to the party and didn’t think too much more about it last night until after I got home.  Then I started worrying…did she think I was chastising her for not going to a fellowship activity?  Did she expect me to stop by and think that I just didn’t show up?  What is going on?  Why was she being so “weird” on the phone?   I woke up early this morning still puzzled and wanting to make sure that there wasn’t some kind of problem between us. It actually never occurred to me that this could be related to my hearing.  I was just thinking it was some kind of misunderstanding between friends.  I called her this morning, and it turns out I never talked to her at all!  I was talking to her daughter the whole time!  Apparently she identified herself at the beginning of the call, but I didn’t hear that and thought I was talking to the mom the whole time!  That explained everything!  I wouldn’t expect a child to say the same things a mom would and I would have said things differently myself if I had known.  My hearing loss makes it difficult for me to distinguish voices a lot of the time, so I didn’t realize.  I’m so glad I didn’t just leave things the way they were…I wouldn’t have been aware that this type of problem could occur without any clue on my part and I would have always wondered why my friend was acting so strangely over something that I was trying to do that was nice. 🙂  I think there are some times that we should just let things go and not make issues out of every little thing that happens in life, but there are also times we need to sort out things while they are little and avoid having them turn into something bigger.  There wasn’t a problem at all, they just didn’t get the message until it was too late.

Sometimes I am starting to feel like my life if settling back down to the new “normal” and that I have things worked out as well as I’m going to with my hearing, but then things like this still happen pretty often and other things related to being hard of hearing .  I guess that IS my new normal.  I’ve been dealing with communication issues for many years now, but they are different and more frequent  with the current hearing levels I have.  I can talk on the phone and it goes well most of the time.  Sometimes I still have difficulties hearing, even on the captioning phone.  The captions definitely help, but sometimes they say “too quiet to hear” or “unclear” and I still don’t know what’s being said.  I sort of dread making business calls now because it can go either way.  This morning I  made a call to our insurance company to get a quote on car insurance for a car our son is considering buying.  Even with all of my controls on the CapTel phone turned up (it has a much louder volume than a normal phone and some other adjustments) I still really had a hard time understanding her.  The captions even said “too quiet to understand.”  It had to be something with the connection.  I was on another call right before that and I could hear fine.  I guess ultimately, I’ll take care of the business that I can, have someone else call and take care of the things I can’t, and life will go on as usual.  The new normal.  I guess I need to remind myself that a few short months ago I couldn’t use a phone at all, so this is actually a huge improvement and I should be grateful!  I am grateful.