It seems that the roller coaster ride is still not over.  Physically, I feel better than I did when I last posted.  There were about 5 days that I really felt exhausted physically and mentally.  I suspect either I was still suffering from the effects of my cold even though I thought I was past it, or something got out of whack in my system – maybe electrolytes or potassium or something.  There was a noticeable improvement in my energy after those 5 days.  Unfortunately, my stress levels are still running very high and my emotions are still in turmoil.  I have a lot going on right now in my life and I think that normally I would feel some stress, but things feel more extreme than they normally would.  My daughter’s wedding is in December, and my husband pointed out to me today that my stress levels are likely to get worse as the holidays and wedding and all that goes along with those events get closer.  I’m sure he’s right.  I’m just going to have to figure out how to keep my mind focused where it needs to be and try to find better coping strategies.  If anyone has any tips or advice, please share them!  I’m all ears!

On a positive note, today I woke up and could actually see my ankle bones again!  It’s the first time they have looked close to normal in quite some time.  I have no idea why.  I imagined that eating higher sodium items would make the swelling worse, and that increasing the amount of activity I was getting would help reduce the swelling.  I’m sure those things are factors, but honestly I don’t see improvement based on those things.  There were days I ate very low sodium and the swelling did not improve and days I made a point to keep moving and also no improvement.  Today, I can’t say I did anything all that different, it just improved.  Don’t know how long that will last, but I’ll take it!

From a spiritual standpoint, I feel like I’m struggling.  A part of me is beating myself up mentally for being so “weak” and feeling like my attitude is bad and the thoughts going through my mind are cranky petty thoughts that someone who has been in the faith for as long as I have should not be prone to anymore.  I feel disappointed in myself and discouraged that I’m struggling with this when I  know better, and feel like I should have put aside those things long ago.  Then there’s a part of me that understands that some of this is due to the steroids and also the normal physical changes women go through as they approach their 50’s and 60’s – so there are physical/chemical factors that are real.  It explains some of the extremes I’m feeling, but I still have to behave appropriately, no matter how I feel.  Clearly I need to be spending more time renewing my mind in God’s word and forcing myself to refocus my thoughts.  It is encouraging to me to keep in mind that the day is coming when I’ll be off the steroids and the hormonal changes will gradually become less extreme.

I’m sharing these things in my blog, because I’m sure there are others that have some of these issues, at least from time to time.  I think sometimes we don’t share the fact that we’re struggling and we are missing out on prayers and encouragement and advice that could strengthen us and help us through those times. How can we be there for each other if we don’t know the truth about what’s going on in each other’s lives?  I know that overall I will be fine, but today I’m asking for prayers for strength and if there are any things you have found helpful for you during times of stress or struggle, please share them with me.  I know that these things are temporary and will pass, like any other trial in life.  In the big picture, this one isn’t even really all that big.  I’m not even sure it merits the title “trial.”  I’m thankful that I have a safety net of love and support to help me keep the right perspective during times like this.  Just writing these thoughts down is a little like giving myself a mental “talking to” and it seems to be helping (at least a little bit!).  🙂