Now I am just playing the “waiting game.”  I am waiting to see the surgeon on Tuesday and talk to her about my procedure.  I didn’t really think about the fact that a new doctor might have different ideas about what is best for me and the risks involved.  Before I was hospitalized with blood clots, I had a pre-op meeting with my usual doctor.  We discussed at length the options and risks and agreed that a simultaneous bilateral procedure is what we would do.  After the blood clot episode, I sent him an email to update him, and he said that we would wait until the specialist managing the clots said it was safe to proceed.  It was basically just a matter of waiting for his okay.  When I called to schedule surgery, that is still what I thought would happen.  It took me a little by surprise that this new doctor wanted to discuss those things with me, although it makes perfect sense. It actually tells me she is a good doctor. She  is making sure she knows my history and the recent changes in my health thoroughly and also wants to meet me and discuss with me her assessment of my situation and any associated risks.  There is an emotional aspect of this as well, and I’m sure she also wants to see for herself if I have realistic expectations and am ready for this step mentally and emotionally.  I am actually thankful.  It does make me feel a little bit of something….not sure what the right word is.  It could be stress, trepidation, uncertainty?  I will be glad to meet and have an official plan.

 It is possible she will recommend having two surgeries instead of one and I am really hoping that is not what will happen. For me, having two procedures will make it seem like it’s all just dragging out much longer than it has to.  Having two procedures, two recoveries, and adjusting to my new sound input and teaching my brain all of that first with one, then with a second one just seems like a whole lot of extra work.  I’d much rather go for it all the way, and have one procedure, one recovery and adjust to the changes once – even if it is harder at first, ultimately it will be quicker and more efficient in my thinking.   I’ve been praying all along for God’s wisdom and guidance in this matter and it sure seems like doors are opening like crazy for this to take place.  I have also prayed during the times that I have been worried about whether I am making the right decision that either it would be obvious to me that I should not go this route, or that I would have peace that I am making the right decision.  I wonder if this is an answer to that prayer.  After I heard that there is a chance this doctor might not want me to do both at the same time, I immediately thought that I DEFINITELY want to have both CI’s implanted at the same time!! lol Maybe this is God’s way of convincing me in my own mind that this is really what I want and it will still all go ahead as planned.  I had a day or two where I thought that I would be upset if they tell me “no” but now I am in a place where I know that I still want God’s guidance here, and if they tell me “no” it will be an obvious closed door and I will be thankful for God’s guidance.  If it’s a “yes” then I will also be thankful for God’s guidance!  It’s really a win win situation for me however it goes.  If it’s not what I am hoping for, then I will be disappointed, but thankful.  I certainly don’t want to endanger my life or put myself at high risk for serious complications.

I now feel 100% certain that simultaneous bilateral CI surgery  is what I want, but ultimately I want God’s will done most of all and I am relying on his guidance to make the right choice.  I have no more inner turmoil about making the decision.  I’m at peace with that.   I am just looking forward to this appointment so I will know what the plan is going to be.  

I didn’t pray for patience this time, but I think that is what I am going to have to have.  It won’t be long until I will have my answers! 🙂

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers and for checking up on me!