Sometime yesterday the last of the steristrips came off.   I’m guessing in the shower, although I really am not sure!  The incision is completely healed now.  There is still some tenderness there and especially where the magnet is in my skull, but as long as I don’t touch it, it feels fine.  The scar tissue is a little wider than I thought it would be.  I have no way to see for myself what it looks like, so the other day I tried taking a picture by myself and let’s just say that didn’t work too well.  Last night I asked Chet to see if all of the steristrips were gone and also to take a pic for me so I could see what it looks like, finally!  It really does look good, all things considered.  I guess the scar tissue is heavier than what I am used to feeling there because there are a lot of times I think I have a hearing aid on and then realize I’m not wearing one on that side.  It feels like it when I think about it!  I’m hoping the last of the swelling and tenderness will be gone by Tuesday.  That day is getting pretty close, now!

Our married kids decided to start alternating spending their Thanksgiving with each side of their families starting this year, and they are coordinating so that the year that it’s our turn we can all be together.   They decided to start with the other side of the family, so this was our year to not have all of the kids here.  Kinsey, Chet and I were invited to Jessi’s mom and stepdad’s home to spend the holiday with them, and we had a wonderful time together!  We enjoyed getting to know them better, and being with as much of our family as possible!  It was really nice for me to participate in making a couple of dishes for the dinner, but not be responsible for all of it or the clean up or housework, etc.  What a treat!  I feel great and fully recovered since surgery, but it has only been 2 weeks so it was especially nice this year!

Like all of you, I expect things to get very busy once again.  Some of us will be on a trip for Christmas and some here, so we are having an early family “Christmas” on Dec. 12.  Better get cracking on some shopping and meal planning!  

 I have been thinking a lot this week about all that I am thankful for (along with every one else).  The list is so long!  There are things I never would have imagined, but can honestly say I am thankful for.  Losing most of your hearing is not something anyone would want to happen, but so much good has come from it, I am not sorry.  I often think about how thankful I am that my hearing loss wasn’t this severe until after my kids were mostly grown.  Children’s voices are the very hardest to hear and I know deaf people can be wonderful parents and raise their children well, but I am so thankful that I didn’t have to struggle with communication during those years.  

I am also really thankful for the internet.  I remember when you couldn’t just look things up at home in only a few seconds.  I have spent so much time online googling information about all of the things associated with this from the medical things to the technology, to what are the options available in various venues, etc.  I have also used the internet to keep my family and friends updated and of course, that works the other way and keeps me conntected to what others are doing as well.  It truly amazes me sometimes.

We have really great health insurance that has covered a lot for me this year and I am really grateful for that.  My husband’s job has been such a blessing to our family and it was God’s providence that led him to it, so I am very thankful.

I won’t give you the whole list.  Those are just a few things that relate to the topic of this blog that I don’t take forgranted.  God  IS so good.  One thing I think I have really  come to understand this year first-hand is that trials are a blessing and an opportunity to grow.  I’ve known it, but understand it more fully now.  We talked in a flock group last week about things that “seemed” bad when they happened, but actually turned out to be good, and let’s face it – for christians, that is all of it.  God says that all things work together for the good for faithful christians, and one of the blessings of being older is having lived long enough to see that, time and time again.  I am learning to be thankful in all circumstances at a deeper level than I ever have before. We know by faith that God will make it all work together for the good, but it is so exciting to actually come out on the other end and see some of the blessings and good that result from that experience.  Often those are things that we could never have imagined ourselves!  It is so amazing to watch God do His work!  

I am continuing to heal and am truly getting better every day.  I have to wait until my steristrips and bandage come off on their own but am allowed to trim as it all  loosens up.  So far we have been able to trim twice, and the area isn’t nearly as sore as it was to the touch.  I’ve been able to wear my reading glasses a little bit, but I have to say that it does start feeling irritated fairly quickly so I’m just wearing them for short periods of time.  I can feel a definite round shape just above my ear (in my skull!) so I know that is where the magnet is located.  I thought it was swollen a little and that is why it is protruding just slightly, but now I’m not sure.  Maybe that’s it, but it isn’t as tender to touch as it was so I am also wondering if it might just protrude a bit.  It’s not noticible to the eye but you can definitely feel it when you touch that spot.  It will be interesting to find out.

I am back in my normal daily routines for the most part.  My energy level is normal and it feels good to be getting caught up after taking a week or two off.  I have to admit that even though I am getting caught up, I haven’t quite found my “groove” yet for cooking for the family and making food for my hubby to take to work!  I haven’t thought about it much since surgery and today I remembered he would probably like a meal to take for his 10 hour shift(!) about 15 minutes before he left!  Since I haven’t cooked and most of the leftovers have been eaten and I haven’t shopped for groceries….you get the picture!  I was scrambling!  I am happy to report that today I sat down and planned a week’s worth of meals for our family and made a grocery list!  Tomorrow I will get the shopping done!

I have been thinking a lot about activation day and what my life is like these days when it comes to hearing.  I’m excited about activation day, but I think that is when the most difficult part of this process will begin for me.  I am hoping that since I have had a chance to learn about the technology available to help me, and have learned some sign language and have several tools to help me cope with the voids and obstacles I have communicating that it won’t be as difficult as it was last time i was functioning more as a deaf person.  Technically, I don’t believe I am considered deaf, although without my hearing aid in I hear only the occasional random noise.  Sometimes it is enough to clue me in that I should look at the phone to see if it is lit up (ie ringing) but sometimes not.  I don’t know how much sound I will hear initially or how quickly I will be able to make sense of it so I don’t know how long or difficult that period of time will be. 

I think sometimes I forget how kind and patient most of the people I spend time with really are with me.  Many strangers are also kind and patient, but sometimes they are not.  Sometimes I get tired of explaining that I need to lip read along with my hearing aid, or explaining on the phone that I am using a captioning phone and there may be long pauses while the captions “catch up” to the conversation and I can see what the speaker said.  I know I have mentioned before that I think my more outgoing personality (at least with people I know) has helped me not allow myself to become too isolated.  I find that I am becoming more isolated anyway.  I’m not saying I am totally isolated, but just that I am more isolated than I was a while ago.  I think that this  hearing loss/deafness was “new” for a pretty long time and required a lot of adjusting on my part and also for my family and friends, so we all had it in the front of our minds.  I think we are all used to the idea now, and people know what I need (for them to face me and be in good light so I can lip read, to speak clearly and a little louder than normal, etc). I think that I do so well with lip reading plus my hearing aid that it is easy for people to forget that there is anything going on with me.   It all seems more normal to all of us now.  Group situations are still by far the most difficult.   Most group conversations go on around me now and I rarely really know what the topic is, much less have the ability to follow or contribute to the conversation.  Sometimes I insert myself by asking questions, but I guess it’s the same principle as I stated above – I think in some ways I get tired of everything having to be about me and my hearing problems and asking people to work at including me.  It’s just easier not to participate sometimes.  Is that normal and just par for the course?  Should I be working at it even when I don’t feel like it?  Should I be reminding people that they have to make an effort to keep me “in the loop”?  I don’t want to be constantly asking people to make extra effort to include me.  Maybe it is ok not to be included in everything.  I don’t know.  I really am not sure where that line is. People already make an effort – I don’t really want to keep asking them to do more and keep making my needs a priority.  I know I have brought this idea up before and the general consensus was that it’s good to remind people.  I just don’t like to constantly be asking for special effort and consideration on the part of others.  Overall, this is not something I deal with daily.  I just was thinking about it today.  

I am mostly feeling very positive and upbeat about everything that is happening!  I am so very blessed!  The medical knowledge and technology that God has allowed is amazing!  To think that they can actually give some form of hearing back to the deaf is amazing!  I am surrounded by so much love and support and encouragement – it can bring tears to my eyes!  I am so thankful for each and every one of you and the care and concern you show for me just by staying updated on my progress and situation.  Thank you so much for your love and for your prayers!  I truly cannot imagine what the last year and a half in particular would have been like without your support.  My heart aches for those who do not have that.  I will be looking for people who are isolated from hearing loss and make every effort to encourage them and help them participate in normal conversations and communication that most of us (including me before this all took place in my life) really do just take forgranted.

Just a quick update this morning – today I am feeling back to normal!  Yesterday I did some housework for the first time since surgery and felt just fine!  Then I ran errands with Chet all afternoon and did great!  My INR was 2.4 so no more shots! That is happy news.  I don’t have to have more blood work done until Wednesday now.  I slept great last night and can honestly say I feel pretty much like myself again.  It is wonderful.  I only had a couple of moments yesterday where I felt slightly off balance so that seems to be improving as well.  The steristrips are loosening a bit so I guess the next thing will be for them to come off and for me to be able to treat that area normally once again.  I noticed that the feeling is back in most of my ear  – there was a numb area before.  It doesn’t feel 100% normal yet, but is obviously getting there.  I am feeling thankful today!  

My recovery is  going well….I am still a little more tired than normal, but not as much as I was last time I posted.  Still having very little pain.  I had my blood work done on Monday to see what my INR is (that is the number they check to see what dosage of warfarin I need).  The goal is for that number to be between 2.0 and 3.0.  I was at 1.4 which is very low.  Tuesday I was again at 1.4.  These are the lowest numbers I’ve seen for my INR in the 7 months I’ve been having it checked – the lower numbers mean I am at more risk for clotting.  Higher than 3.0 would mean greater risk for bleeding. I know that for the surgery I had before this one (to remove my vena cava filter) they wanted my INR to be below 2.5.  I suspect they wanted it lower than that for this type of microsurgery, but I don’t really know that for certain. They have me continuing the daily injections plus have been increasing my warfarin dose.  Today my number was 1.8.  That is still low, but at least it is heading in the right direction.  I will have to have another blood draw tomorrow.  Hopefully we will get into the proper range soon!

Today was a very busy day – it was Kinsey’s 19th birthday!  We did quite a few things and quite a lot of visiting with family.  I am tired now, but did well overall.  I can tell I am continuing to improve.  I can’t wait until my incision is completely healed!  There is some mild swelling around that and the spot they placed the magnet in my skull and some tenderness to the touch – obviously I would expect that.  I am really just happy that it doesn’t hurt unless I mess with it! (Yes, I KNOW i need to try not to mess with it!!!)  I find that I sometimes think I have a hearing aid on that side and start to reach over to “take it off” for a break!  It isn’t because I am hearing anything over there.  It’s the weight of the steristrips behind my ear.  I am aware of feeling something there and forget that it’s not a hearing aid (which I am used to having!).  There are also occasional “twinges” of pain in the inside of the ear, but only momentary ones.  There is a “full” or “heavy” feeling in there.  It actually is common to have that feeling when you have sensorineaural hearing loss.  I am noticing it more now.   I have progressed to the point where I am allowed to wash my hair in the shower now.  I still try to minimize how long that area is wet.  I use a shower cap while I’m washing the rest of me, then put a cotton ball at the entrance to the ear canal to keep it dry and then just a quick wash and rinse over the incision/steristrips.   I make a point of blow drying the area along with my hair as much as I can.  Tomorrow I plan to start doing some housework again.  My hubby and daughter have been taking care of things since mom left, but I am feeling ready to take on some of it at this point.  I will rest as much as I need to.  I guess that is one of the luxuries of being a full-time homemaker.  There isn’t much that I HAVE to get done or can’t work around depending on how I feel.  

I was thinking that this post is probably kind of boring – not much to report.   Then I decided that boring is good at this point!  I have had a lot to do the last day or two regarding Kinsey’s birthday and also trying to complete her requirements for a spring admission to college.  Because of those things, I haven’t spent much time thinking about all that is happening from any other standpoint than the physical recovery. So far so good!  Thank you for the prayers and please keep them going!  I appreciate it!

Yesterday was my third day post surgery.  I had a rough night the night before.  I took all of my evening meds together right before bed and I guess that wasn’t a good idea.  I was slightly queasy, and didn’t sleep well at all.  I opted to go without the CPAP one more night since it would be difficult to fit the head gear over the bandage anyhow.  I woke up many times and was still slightly queasy in the morning.  My mom was planning to head home yesterday morning, but wanted to wait until I felt a little better and also wanted to see the big bandage come off.  The unveiling happened around 9:15am.   We had to cut some of the bandages out of my hair because it was stuck in places, but eventually I was “free” of it and we were all amazed at how small and neat the incision is!  It is covered in steristrips, but they could tell that it is a nice neat little line that basically goes directly behind my ear.  It is truly amazing that they can do all of the work they did from such a small incision!  My hair was pretty gross, but it felt good to have that thing off!  My stomach settled down after I ate some breakfast, and mom headed back to Oklahoma.  I got showered using a shower cap to keep the area dry, then Chet helped me shampoo my hair in the sink.  We used a plastic cup to cover the ear and incision as suggested and it worked great.  I can’t tell you how good it felt to have my hair clean!  I look like myself again!  I have been amazed at how little pain I have had.  They warned I may have muscle soreness from positioning on the operating table, but I haven’t.  The numbness in my thigh is gone now and I really have only had a minor headache at times and occasional minor pain in the ear.  I am so thankful!  I felt well enough in the evening to go out to dinner with some friends.  I had some moments where I still feel slighly off balance – like things are a little bit “floaty.”  Not much, but enough that I need to touch a wall or something to feel steady.  This is minor, but is happening occasionally.  I enjoyed the time with everyone last night.  I felt fine, but was pretty tired when we got home.  I used my CPAP last night to sleep and spread out my meds.  I slept great!  I got nearly 8 hours and was sleeping very deeply when it was time to get up and get ready for church.  My sweet hubby once again helped me get my hair washed and it felt great to assemble with my church family and hear about the Russian work we participate in.  I am amazed at how well my recovery is going.  We ate lunch out afterwards, and then I came home and crashed.  I did fine, but it did wear me out.  I fell asleep in front on the tv today and slept for the better part of 3 hours or so.  It was nice to veg.  I feel like the congestion in my head and chest is loosening up some and am hoping it will be gone soon.  Chet took some time off work to be home with me and it has been so nice to spend some time with him and to have him here helping take care of me.  Tomorrow I will have a blood draw to see how my INR number is doing.  That will let us know how we need to dose my warfarin.  I am hoping the number will be good and I won’t need to give myself anymore shots!  i’ve been injecting Lovenox to bridge the time it takes for warfarin to start being effective in your system (I had to discontinue it for 5 days before surgery, so it takes a few days to be effective once you resume taking it).  That is really all that has been happening.  I am resting when I need to and trying not to overdo it, but am also trying to ease back into normal life a little at a time.  It is important that I move around at least every couple of hours to help prevent blood clots.  I have been wearing my compression stockings, too.  They didn’t really talk to me about doing that, but it makes sense to me and makes me feel better to wear them at least until the risk of clots from surgery is gone.  I think that is about a month, but will check with the doc on my next visit.  Thank you all so much for checking in on me and for your kind words and all of the prayers.  It makes such a difference!

I thought I would wipe out yesterday after making the move from the hospital to home.  We stopped and had lunch at a favorite restaurant on the way home, and then my kids all came over with dinner and we had a nice visit during the afternoon and evening.  I got to sit back and let the rest of the gang take care of food prep and clean up. That was nice!

 I never did  take a nap yesterday, but did go to bed fairly early.  I slept well in spite of not using my CPAP.  We had a call in to the doctor to find out how long I need to wait to use it again.  They forgot to call last night but let me know today (after apologizing for not getting back to me yesterday!) that it is ok to use it now.   I’m not allowed to sneeze normally or blow my nose until after my 3 week check up! Hard to remember sometimes!   I really feel pretty well all things considered.  I am a little tired right now.  I probably will take a little nap at some point today. I just showered (had a big shower cap on to keep my bandage dry) and it feels very good to be clean and able to use lotion and deodorant again!

 I haven’t had any real dizziness, but I have had a few kind of “whoa” moments where it felt like things were just slightly off, but I feel fortunate that it isn’t a major problem for me. My sense of taste is fine and the nerves in my face are also fine. Those were possible complications so I am thankful that so far I haven’t had any (just like we all prayed for!) The doctor told my family that it is possible that I will hear imaginary sounds during this time period. It could be buzzing or tinnitus, or it could be I think I hear a symphony or music playing or some other crazy thing! She said the brain can come up with some bizarre things while trying to figure out what is happening with this new input! Sounds wild! I have had some buzzing sounds, but that’s about it. I did note something interesting when I was in the recovery room. In the past there have been a couple of times I was unconscious and I remember the distinct feeling of waking up and realizing that the brain went from “nothing” – just blackness with an absence of any thought to “something” as in having normal conscious thoughts. This time there were many scenes in little picture boxes, each one overlapping the other. I don’t know what the scenes were, but I remember seeing them come to the foreground partially overlapping each other – sort of like fireworks do during the grand finale! different scenes kept moving to the front of the big “picture.” I am curious if that is a result of them firing up the electrodes during surgery to make sure they were working and that is just what my brain did with the signals. I really don’t know but it was very different from what I have experienced in the past. I find that interesting!

I took a pain pill last night before bed – pain wasn’t horrible, but it was a little uncomfortable and distracting, so I thought it would help me sleep.

 Tomorrow is the day the “turban” bandage comes off.  It will be interesting to see what my ear looks like a this point!

 I am feeling loved and spoiled and taken care of right now!  On Tuesday night a bag of encouragement was delivered to me by my sweet sisters in Christ.  It was full of small gifts and notes with encouraging thoughts to help build me up during this long ongoing process.  I was touched by that!  I will definitely be digging in and using it as intended.  I also received some lovely flowers and some sweet notes on Facebook!  I am so blessed!  Mom and my family are taking good care of me as well.  It is so nice not to have to worry about anything, and to be able to just rest and regroup!

 Since we only did one implant, I am able to use my hearing aid just like before surgery and my hearing is exactly the same at this point.  I wasn’t using the ear they operated on anyway, so nothing has been lost.  Activation day is scheduled for Dec. 3.  That is when the doctor will make sure the surgical site is completely healed, then I will begin working with my audiologist (who specializes in CIs) to activate and start the process of “mapping” my new device.  That will be an exciting time!  The most difficult part of this process, I believe, will begin on activation day.  I won’t be allowed to wear my hearing aid for 3 months at that point.  No hearing aid for me leaves me functionally deaf.  That period of time will last until my brain learns to recognize this new input as sound and then learns how to make sense of it. It is all exciting stuff for me! Right now I am going to just focus on getting well again and healing!

Thanks for the continued prayers! I have no doubt God is answering those prayers in positive ways for me! ho

I had my surgery yesterday morning as planned and now have a cochlear implant in my right ear.  All went according to plan.  I woke up in the recovery room  around 2pm (surgery began at 7:45am).  Apparently I was more groggy than average, so it took a while to wake me up. I also did have some nausea after surgery in spite of a patch and meds given to me.  It wasn’t too bad, but definitely there, so they kept me until that improved as well.  Ultimately another drug plus some peppermint oil on a cloth to breathe in finally did it.  I didn’t have much pain (almost none) I was just very groggy all day.  I woke up to a very scratchy throat and lots of coughing and congestion in my lungs – all due to having a breathing tube.  They had me use a device every hour or so that I would breathe in from as deeply as possible.  The purpose was to help open up my lungs.  Apparently anesthesia tends to cause some of your air sacs to sort of stick shut and you have to take deep breaths to help open them up again.  They started me back on my warfarin last night and I got a shot of Lovenox today to help bridge the time between starting warfarin and when it actually becomes effective.  Last night the doctor told me not to use my CPAP because of the pressure it would put in the ear tubes.  Instead, they monitored my oxygen levels and had me use oxygen any time my number was lower than they wanted.  They had to wake me up every hour to see how I was doing with that.  It is normal for oxygen numbers to drop while asleep so they had to make sure it was where it should be when I was awake (so they could definitely attribute the lower number to sleep).  Anyhow, I only had to do have oxygen for a couple of hours, then I was fine.  I woke up feeling much more like myself.  I am not nearly as sleepy now.  My bandage is a big around the head thing, but stylish, I say!  It looks like something from the civil war or flapper era!  I just got home and am settled in with my compression stockings in my big lounger!  Thanks for your prayers.  All looks good so far!

Tomorrow is the big day!  I can hardly believe it is here.  Up until yesterday I was more excited than nervous.  That is probably still true today, but I am starting to feel the nerves!  I know it will all be fine.  The physical aspect of this process is the first step.  Once the surgery is done and I have recovered from the physical part of it, the next step will be the mental part. I was going to say that is also when the emotional aspect would take place, but the truth is that there are emotional aspects to all of this.  There have been since it all began back in 2000!  Since we are only implanting one ear now, I will not have the 3 week period of deafness.  My hearing will remain basically like it is now since I have been using my hearing aid on the opposite ear anyway.  There really is nowhere to go but improvement on the implant side.  Any usable sound will be an improvement.  Once activation takes place (it is currently scheduled for Dec. 3) I will no longer be allowed to wear my hearing aid.  They will likely have me use only the implant for 3 months.  That is the period of time I expect to be the most exhausting mentally.  I know from past experience that it is very tiring to have to work so hard to understand anything at all.  I do have lots of tools in place to help me, so maybe that period of time will not be as difficult as it was when my hearing loss was newer.  I hope my brain will be learning how to process the new signals throughout that time period, so depending on how quickly I accomplish that, the most difficult hearing stage may not last long at all.  I don’t know what to expect emotionally.  It might be frustrating or discouraging at times.  I think it is realistic to expect that.  It could be disappointing if I don’t get as much improvement or make  progress as quickly as I want to.  Mostly, I expect it to be exciting.  I know it is a process that takes time and I hope that I will see marked improvement at a nice steady pace.  How wonderful it would/will be to actually be able to hear and understand sound on both sides again!  It is truly amazing what technology is available now.  In addition to learning to interpret digital input as sound, I will also be learning how to use all of the options available on my device.  As we fine tune things, and I learn how to use the various features (like making changes in noisier environments or what settings work best outdoors, or in groups, or for church with a sound system, on the phone, etc) I expect to be amazed and how much this will improve my quality of life and ability to function. I am hoping to be able to participate in things that most people take forgranted once again!  It would be amazing to be able to hear comments in a Bible class or understand what everyone is saying at a family dinner.  I will try to keep myself calm today and not dwell on all of the details of what will take place tomorrow!  I trust that God has this and my job is simple – show up on time, go to sleep, and do what they tell me to recover!  I can handle that!  I will post as soon as I am able.  Please pray that all goes well and that the surgery is 100% successful with no complications!  Next time you hear from me, I will be a cochlear implant recipient!!!!! 

Only a few more days to go until surgery!  It has been a very stressful and exhausting couple of weeks.  There have been quite a few things that needed my attention (in addition to all of the surgery-related items) but it is starting to reach the point where I’ve done all I can to take care of those things, and the rest is out of my hands. I am  not going to allow myself to dwell on the things out of my control.   I have really had to work hard at being calm and not letting my anxiety get the better of me this week. It didn’t help that I had a couple of hormone days right in the worst of it!  I had to force myself to stop, pray, have a cup of tea and take some deep calming breaths (I also added some calming essential oils to my palms to breathe in!).  It helped.  That is not typical for me, so I am thankful that I am feeling a little calmer and less anxious now.

 I had my pre-op physical with my primary care doctor on Tuesday.  It was a long appointment where we discussed my health history in depth and she gave me the green light on the surgery.  There are some vaccinations required for this procedure and there was a mix up and I was given the wrong version of one, but it is fine and won’t delay my procedure.  I had a breathing test and an EKG and both were normal.

 I also had my appointment with the PAC team (anesthesia evaluation) on Thursday, and everything is cleared with them as well.  My surgeon told me to take my CPAP with me to the appointment and that they would likely want to see it and make sure they were ready for various things on their end.  I saw 4 different professionals at that appointment and made sure they were aware that I have severe sleep apnea and that is one of the two main reasons my surgeon set up the appointment, but they all basically said “Ok” and “make sure you take the CPAP to the hospital in case you spend the night.  They’ll want you to use it when you sleep”  They seemed puzzled that I had it with me then.  Oh well.  Chet assured me that I don’t need to worry about that – they will make sure I can breathe one way or another after surgery!

We found out that cochlear implant surgery is considered a same day surgery by insurance companies and you can’t plan an overnight stay ahead of time.  It is officially listed as an outpatient surgery and then the doctor will have to decide after the procedure if she feels I need to be admitted. I’ll be taking an overnight bag as this is the most likely scenario!  Surgery is bright and early Wednesday morning, Nov. 13.  We have to be at the hospital (University which is downtown Minneapolis) at 5:45am!  They told me that the free valet parking opens at 5am so we’re in luck! 🙂  It will save us a long walk on a cold morning!  My procedure is scheduled to begin at 7:45am and it is on the schedule as a 4 hour procedure.  I’m sure that can vary, but it will be somewhere in that ballpark.  One part of the conversation with the anesthesia team I found interesting had to do with the “what to expect” part of the conversation.  They said that they will start an IV (possibly 2) before and will have me breathe from a mask in addition to injecting meds to put me to sleep.  They said that part goes quickly.   Then they will insert a breathing tube.  Here’s the interesting part – they will rouse me enough to respond to hearing my name while the tube is still in place, then see if I can cough before they take it out!  I reminded them that I won’t be able to hear them saying my name!  You would think that enough cochlear implant procedures have been done at this hospital that there would be protocol in place for how to handle that.  We talked about some signs, or whatever.  It surprised me that we would need to come up with solutions for that!  Maybe once we are there, the team with me will be well versed in how to handle that!  They said that once I can cough, then they will take the tube out and send me to the recovery room.  I won’t remember any of that, though, because there is also an amnesiac in the medication.  It is a very weird thing for me to imagine whatever will have to happen for me to barely be coming out of a deep drugged sleep and understand without being able to hear that they want me to wake up and cough, and then having no memory of the whole scenario at all!  I guess that’s their problem, but it is a strange thought for me.  The surgeon told me she will likely use a compression bandage on my head because of the blood thinners, so that is a much tighter and more uncomfortable bandage than would normally be used.  Maybe she will reconsider if bleeding doesn’t seem to be a big issue at the time.  I’m not sure.

 Obviously I am now thinking about some of the specifics of what will happen but I still don’t feel nervous about it.  My job is easy – be there on time, go to sleep, and do what they tell me after I wake up!  I can’t say I won’t feel a little nervous at the time, but I don’t think I will be overly anxious.  i trust that God is in control and know that worrying really won’t make any difference at all in what happens.  I’m okay with that.  The anesthesiologist asked about past problems with anesthesia, and the only one I remember (my last time was 19 years ago!) was warning them that I am extremely prone to nausea and even though they gave me anti-nausea meds, I still woke up heaving.  The doctor on Thursday assured me that the drugs are much better now for that than they were 19 years ago and they put that in my notes with a big asterisk so I think it will be fine!  I’m happy about that.  That is actually one of the worst parts for me!

The plan for managing my Coumadin requires that I stop taking it 5 days before the procedure, so last night was the first night I skipped it!  Seems strange and also kind of wild that after all of the stuff that has gone on, we are only 5 days away from surgery! 

I’m trying to think about how to describe how I’m feeling right now.  I don’t really feel nervous about surgery.  I am excited that it is finally almost time!  It’s been a long time coming.  In some ways, it feels like only having one side done isn’t such a big change, but I know that it actually is a very big one.  There is nothing I’m giving up by going this route.  My remaining hearing will stay in tact.  The ear we are implanting gets a little bit of sound, but it is so distorted that it hasn’t been considered usable in years.  That’s why I had a bi-cross hearing aid before the last two hearing loss episodes – it bypassed that ear completely since it couldn’t be helped with a hearing aid.  I got by with only the other ear for several years, so it’s hard for me to imagine what it will be like to have input from both sides again.  I suspect it will make a bigger difference in my quality of life than I realize.  The concept of being able to hear better is still kind of a vague and broad idea – I know it will be amazing, it is just hard to imagine what the reality will actually be like.  I have become accustomed to this level of hearing loss and am a very good lip-reader so I am able to follow most conversation when it is one on one and I can lip read.  Sometimes I forget how important that component is, though.  It only takes someone turning their head slightly to the side, or moving their hands in front of their face while they speak, or bad lighting where I can’t see clearly and I completely lose what is being said.  I haven’t been able to recognize the direction of sound in years either.  I sometimes hear a noise or someone say my name, but have to look in every direction to see who it was because I have no idea.  I imagine that will change.  It’s hard to understand how the brain can take a completely new type of input than it has ever had and recognize that it is sound and then learn how to make sense of it – all without any conscious effort on your part.  There is a conscious effort on your part to help with the process, but ultimately the brain does the work.  Our God created an absolutely amazing organ  to have those kind of capabilities along with everything else it does!  Wow!  What a creator we have!

I’m not sure if I will post again before surgery or not.  There isn’t really anything else happening before that day.   I will do my best to keep you all posted on my thoughts and feelings as well as the facts of what is happening as my cochlear implant journey begins!  I want those impressions recorded for myself as well and I think it is important to write it as I feel it so I don’t forget.  It will be fun to read back over later and see how much has happened and how far I will have come!  Every journey is unique and I can’t wait to see how my story unfolds!

Please keep me and my family in your prayers as this big change approaches.  Please thank God for all of His guidance up until this point, and ask that all goes well with my procedure – that it will be a 100% success and there will be NO complications.  Please pray that my recovery will also go well, and that there won’t be any problems at all with payment by the insurance company.  Thanks for your love and support!