I am continuing to heal and am truly getting better every day.  I have to wait until my steristrips and bandage come off on their own but am allowed to trim as it all  loosens up.  So far we have been able to trim twice, and the area isn’t nearly as sore as it was to the touch.  I’ve been able to wear my reading glasses a little bit, but I have to say that it does start feeling irritated fairly quickly so I’m just wearing them for short periods of time.  I can feel a definite round shape just above my ear (in my skull!) so I know that is where the magnet is located.  I thought it was swollen a little and that is why it is protruding just slightly, but now I’m not sure.  Maybe that’s it, but it isn’t as tender to touch as it was so I am also wondering if it might just protrude a bit.  It’s not noticible to the eye but you can definitely feel it when you touch that spot.  It will be interesting to find out.

I am back in my normal daily routines for the most part.  My energy level is normal and it feels good to be getting caught up after taking a week or two off.  I have to admit that even though I am getting caught up, I haven’t quite found my “groove” yet for cooking for the family and making food for my hubby to take to work!  I haven’t thought about it much since surgery and today I remembered he would probably like a meal to take for his 10 hour shift(!) about 15 minutes before he left!  Since I haven’t cooked and most of the leftovers have been eaten and I haven’t shopped for groceries….you get the picture!  I was scrambling!  I am happy to report that today I sat down and planned a week’s worth of meals for our family and made a grocery list!  Tomorrow I will get the shopping done!

I have been thinking a lot about activation day and what my life is like these days when it comes to hearing.  I’m excited about activation day, but I think that is when the most difficult part of this process will begin for me.  I am hoping that since I have had a chance to learn about the technology available to help me, and have learned some sign language and have several tools to help me cope with the voids and obstacles I have communicating that it won’t be as difficult as it was last time i was functioning more as a deaf person.  Technically, I don’t believe I am considered deaf, although without my hearing aid in I hear only the occasional random noise.  Sometimes it is enough to clue me in that I should look at the phone to see if it is lit up (ie ringing) but sometimes not.  I don’t know how much sound I will hear initially or how quickly I will be able to make sense of it so I don’t know how long or difficult that period of time will be. 

I think sometimes I forget how kind and patient most of the people I spend time with really are with me.  Many strangers are also kind and patient, but sometimes they are not.  Sometimes I get tired of explaining that I need to lip read along with my hearing aid, or explaining on the phone that I am using a captioning phone and there may be long pauses while the captions “catch up” to the conversation and I can see what the speaker said.  I know I have mentioned before that I think my more outgoing personality (at least with people I know) has helped me not allow myself to become too isolated.  I find that I am becoming more isolated anyway.  I’m not saying I am totally isolated, but just that I am more isolated than I was a while ago.  I think that this  hearing loss/deafness was “new” for a pretty long time and required a lot of adjusting on my part and also for my family and friends, so we all had it in the front of our minds.  I think we are all used to the idea now, and people know what I need (for them to face me and be in good light so I can lip read, to speak clearly and a little louder than normal, etc). I think that I do so well with lip reading plus my hearing aid that it is easy for people to forget that there is anything going on with me.   It all seems more normal to all of us now.  Group situations are still by far the most difficult.   Most group conversations go on around me now and I rarely really know what the topic is, much less have the ability to follow or contribute to the conversation.  Sometimes I insert myself by asking questions, but I guess it’s the same principle as I stated above – I think in some ways I get tired of everything having to be about me and my hearing problems and asking people to work at including me.  It’s just easier not to participate sometimes.  Is that normal and just par for the course?  Should I be working at it even when I don’t feel like it?  Should I be reminding people that they have to make an effort to keep me “in the loop”?  I don’t want to be constantly asking people to make extra effort to include me.  Maybe it is ok not to be included in everything.  I don’t know.  I really am not sure where that line is. People already make an effort – I don’t really want to keep asking them to do more and keep making my needs a priority.  I know I have brought this idea up before and the general consensus was that it’s good to remind people.  I just don’t like to constantly be asking for special effort and consideration on the part of others.  Overall, this is not something I deal with daily.  I just was thinking about it today.  

I am mostly feeling very positive and upbeat about everything that is happening!  I am so very blessed!  The medical knowledge and technology that God has allowed is amazing!  To think that they can actually give some form of hearing back to the deaf is amazing!  I am surrounded by so much love and support and encouragement – it can bring tears to my eyes!  I am so thankful for each and every one of you and the care and concern you show for me just by staying updated on my progress and situation.  Thank you so much for your love and for your prayers!  I truly cannot imagine what the last year and a half in particular would have been like without your support.  My heart aches for those who do not have that.  I will be looking for people who are isolated from hearing loss and make every effort to encourage them and help them participate in normal conversations and communication that most of us (including me before this all took place in my life) really do just take forgranted.